As a success and business coach, I received the following question:

• There is a person in your network who is smart, reliable and competent at what they do – providing a service that is highly specialized with few (if any) reliable competitors.
• Over the years, you have referred this person many great clients and this person has always thanked you for this business. Further, without exception, the people you have referred have been ecstatic with the price and quality of service this person has provided, which reflects well on you.
• The problem is that even though this person’s clients (and other contacts) could be great clients for you, this person has never referred you anyone. Not one. Never!
• You have talked with this person about this and they openly acknowledge the lack of reciprocity. They assures you that it is nothing personal. This person does not refer anyone, as they simply have a personal policy against referring clients or making any referrals (of any sort) in general.

I recommended the following — but what would you have said?

Your first priority is to your client. If this “net taker” is truly the best person for your client’s situation, then focus on your client’s needs and go ahead and recommend the best person for their situation (until your find a suitable replacement). This way you are doing right by your important client or potential client.

In the meantime, continue to network with others that are expert in the “net taker’s” domain. When you find someone comparable with even more positive attributes, then you can confidently guide your clients appropriately.

Recognize that you have full control of this situation by finding other comparable experts. This “net taker” is not the only expert in their field. I recommend having an open conversation by saying “Mr/Ms X, I totally understand your positions and I want to continue to be sensitive to your principles. You are a dear friend and I value our relationship. In addition, I want to collaborate with someone of your caliber that is open to referral and recommendation reciprocation. I was wondering if you can help me in my goal. Who are your competitors? Who do you feel have similar expertise and is comfortable in reciprocating?” In this manner, you are telling them that your are openly looking for a replacement in your network for his/her position.

You are not trying to sway them in their principles, but you are being forthright in your decision to find a better referral match to your business goals. And there is nothing wrong with that.